I love my mommy, a lot. However the last two conversations i have had with her have left me not wanting to have another.

Last week we were talking about my sisters wedding and then my other sisters baby. She started going on about how people are going to keep asking me why i am the only one not married or doesnt have any children. It upset me quite a bit though i went on about how i was the smart one. Later that day i decided i was gonna shit faced and pass out on the lawn – not really but it would have been a good plan if i have been sucessfull. I apparently got a good buzz on and got defensive/hyper-sensitive. I dont feel it went that way but from his side of the story that is what happened. If it indeed went down like that i am sure it was because i felt battered already.

I havent felt good the last 30hours or so. I got some serious allergies going on, i have a big blister on my index finger (boiling water across the hand will do that) and i cant seem to keep any food in my body for more than 2 hours.

Mel had called yesterday about some mail questions and at the end asked if i wanted to talk to mom. I wasnt feeling good and felt a bathroom trip coming on so i told her i would call today.

I called today and everything seemed cool, no mention of my empty life. Then out of the blue she asked what my plans are six months from now. Where i wanted to be. I expressed here is where i want to be. The conversation danced around a couple points which brought me to tears. Mostly because i feel exactly what she said but I am not sure how to go about it.

I dont know.. more thought on it all i guess..

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