the ramble..

December 17th, 2008 @ 11:44 am

In the last couple days i have noticed that people are talking about giving up the blogging thing. I dont know that i have contemplated it but i do know i go through these phases where i either have nothing to share or i dont feel like sharing. There are probably a dozen blogs that i look at daily ( not so much in the last few weeks), of those i think perhaps 2-4 of them updated fairly regularly. When it comes to the internet these days i dont use it the same way i did five to ten years ago. My activity includes waking up with it. I surf facebook, email and some sites daily, some every other day and the ones i know dont update frequently – weekly/bi-weekly. There was a day when i spent 3/4+ hours a day online. Now i am lucky if i get 45 minutes in. I’m not sure what i am trying to say but it’s sad that the people i enjoy dont update often. It’s a shame i dont.. I hope it’s not coming to a slow painful death.

IN my life, I’m sad, disappointed, hurt.. whatever. I’m not sure which emotion has control of me. I feel let down once again. In a few days i am sure the ache i have in the pit of my stomach will go away but for now it’s all i feel.

Christmas is a week away and despite not wanting to be ready for it, i am. I have all my presents bought. The baking in pretty much done, the decorations are up. I’m just missing the people and snow. The snow is coming today whether it stays until this time next week or more will come if this goes – will soon be known.

I had hoped to be in Oregon by the end of the year and i still could be but i am trying to figure out what works best for me. If i go by the end of the month that would mean i would have to be back here by the end of June. My sister is getting married the 18th of July. Jay has talked about coming, it would be nice to travel back together but that would be mean i would have to wait until January to go. Then my other sister is having a baby – currently they figure Feburary 10-15, part of me thinks it would be cool to stick around for that, part of me doesnt care. None of me wants to be here any longer than i need to be. I love my mother and being with her and i know she would keep me as long as she could but I have got to the point in my life where i need to move on with mine.

I am hoping 2009 brings me some closure on the life i currently lead but i have hoped for that for the last few years and it has done me little good. It’s like a carousel that doesnt stop. It’s the same thing year after year and it’s getting to the point where i am just ready to throw myself into the crowd in hopes of finally getting off it.

2008 wrap up.

December 15th, 2008 @ 12:50 am

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?:
I applied for a job i wanted, got it and turned it down.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?:
I’m sure i made resolutions but i cant really remember any.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?:
Brenny.

4. Did anyone close to you die?:
Nope, my former step grandfather died last month though. We used to be fairly close.

5. What countries did you visit?:
The US and Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?:
Same thing i have wished for some years now. Roots..

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?:
march 27th- a heart wrenching day i will never forget but don’t care to go over.
may 4th – the day i moved into my apartment
july15th – the big bang of this year.
Aug 6-9th time with becka.
nov 29th – the day i move dout of my apartment

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?:
returning to the real world.

9. What was your biggest failure?:
I don’t think i failed at anything

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?:
I had a couple nasty colds. One in Oregon and one in Oct.

11. What was the best thing you bought?:
I didn’t buy it but maury.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?:
Mine, i tolerated a lot of things this year from a lot of people and i somehow still either love them or acknowledge them.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?:
My sister Melanie.

14. Where did most of your money go?:
Rent/bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?:
Jay coming for Christmas! Still waiting for the follow through, though.

I have arrived….

December 2nd, 2008 @ 11:58 am

Well i actually arrived three days ago… but i am just getting around to letting the whole internet know that.

The move went well, quick and painless.  Thank god because i hate moving.  I’m somewhat settled in.  I have another box to go through and then i think I’ll have my essentials unpacked.

I havent officially lived here since last October and it seems like yesterday.  Where does the time go?  I’m enjoying myself so far but yesterday was a little long and lonely.  I’ll get back into the swing of things i am sure.  The best part of this is not having to put a bra on most days.  Seems like a small thing but i have come to hate bras.  I remember being a teenager, i wouldnt have left my room without one on – now i am content leaving the house without one.

It’s quite windy here today, I forgot how strong the wind was here.  It so strong at some points you’d think there was a massive truck in front of your house.

Just a little more than three weeks until Christmas, boy i am getting super excited.  I am sure in the next few days the Christmas decorations will go up and I’m totally okay with that.

that’s enough for now.  (: