long time no blog…

October 29th, 2008 @ 9:40 pm

I haven’t had a whole lot to say. I probably still don’t but here goes.

I am finally starting to feel back to my normal self. I am blowing my nose less and coughing has become a morning and night thing rather than round the clock thing. I’m pretty sure this is the worse ‘cold’ i have ever had, and i am still feeling the effects of it nearly three weeks later. I managed to catch up on the days i missed at work by picking up some extra shifts. Never again will i work seven days in a row. It about sucked the last of the life out of me.

The upside to work is that i like my new shift and the people are so much nicer during the day. I’ve been proposed to and asked out for drinks by random strangers. Maybe it’s my voice or i just get the crazies either way. The man who had asked me out to drinks had also asked if i was single and i hesitated. I’m not sure if i did this because it caught me off guard or because a lot of the time i feel single. I live alone; i do everything as a single person and most of the time that is how i feel even though i am in a committed relationship. Since that question was asked and i had time to think about it later i have kinda pulled back. When i am sad or mad, confused, frightened and mind boggled over events i pull back. I push people away and retreat. I love my solitude but i HATE being alone all the time. Which doesn’t make sense me. I get that i like being alone and i once thought there wasn’t a limit to that. But living by myself again has given me a different view on it. I wake up alone, i go to sleep alone. I didn’t think i had limits.. but i now know i do.

In other news i am thinking i may move back to my mom’s a few weeks sooner. .. say the first of December but if i am going to do that i have to make up my mind right away. I am pretty sure i have reached my threshold with work. I get up in the morning trying to think of some disease i can have for that day so i don’t have to go to work.

Family crap still going on, it never ends and i am just blown away by it some days. Just when you think there is calmness there isn’t. Everything seems out of whack and i feel so sad.

my week..

October 14th, 2008 @ 11:03 am

Wednesday i left for NS, arrived in Springhill about 3:30pm, had to wait for my mommy to get off work so we could head home. Back on the farm we had Kraft dinner for supper ( i cant even remember the last time i had this). We spent the night catching up and i went to bed about midnight. Didnt sleep too great because every time i coughed Minnie thought i was talking to her and head butted me in the face.

Thursday i was offered a full time job at the group home. Which I am going to officially cross off my list. After thinking about it, it doesn’t make sense to start a job for less than 8 weeks. I want it but i’ll get by without it. I just have to find the courage to say i don’t want it to them today. Mom and i went out to supper and off to the grocery store. Bed before 11pm, didn’t sleep much better but Minnie didn’t attack me every time i coughed.

Friday Auntie Brenda arrived, some catching up. Then i went off with JM to de church the church. Apparently a Justice of the Peace cant marry in a church. After supper the rehearsal, then home to wait for the gang. Amanda, Lucas and Melanie arrive, some more catching up then off to bed. Friday night was hell, i might have slept three hours. I was up at least four times and the pills i got from the drug store made me sick to my tummy.

Saturday i got up and Manda and Melanie helped me get ready for the wedding. What are sisters for, right? Spent the afternoon doing that and home around 6ish. There had been talk of going out but i didn’t feel so great and i was sleep deprived.

Sunday was turkey day in my house. Good food, good people, good times. We headed home after 3pm. Back here by 6:30 to discover that i had left my bath stuff at moms – not cool.

Monday i got up and went to work. After being there 20 minutes decided that talking on the phone and coughing were not in my cards for the day. I ended up going to the ER. i waited over three hours before i was seen. Had a chest x-ray to make sure it hadn’t turned into pneumonia, which it hadn’t. He kept asking me if there was any history of asthma or if i had ever had it. To which the answer was no. All i know is i have a viral respiratory infection. He prescribed me tow puffers. TWO PUFFERS! I am still blown away that, that was the answer. My chest x-ray showed some build up in my lungs and he figured this would help. And who knew puffers would be so expensive? Thank god for insurance.. sheesh.

i spent the night relaxing, and went to bed around 10. Throughout the evening i hadn’t coughed a lot but as soon as i got into bed it was a whole other story. I slept like shit and i am pretty sure i dislodged an intestine or something. I’ve got this nasty pain right below my left ribcage when i cough – which is less then yesterday but still pretty severe at times..

I’m home today but I will be going to work tomorrow.. Unless the dislodged intestine decides to kill me.

Super long weekend..

October 8th, 2008 @ 8:35 am

First off i’d like to start off by saying I AM SICK! I am not sure if it’s an ear infection or the crappy cold that going around but I feel like hell.

I almost quit my job yesterday because they denied my time off for this weekend. I threw up a fit and practically cried. In the end i got today, Saturday and Sunday off. My days off now are Thursday Friday so that gives me five days off. Yah!

I am headed to Springhill for JM’s wedding and thanksgiving. I’ve pretty much been looking forward to this since May. Perhaps that’s why i nearly went postal yesterday.

My new shift 10:30am-7pm sort of kicks ass. I hope it continues, coming home at 7pm is so much better than midnight. I’m missing most of my evening people but a couple of them are still with me so that’s not so bad either.

so i is off to my mommys, happy weekend!

common law..

October 2nd, 2008 @ 12:47 am

Jay and i are officially under the same web roof. I moved my things in today and it was easy. I am little confused as to why when “I” uploaded my database i didnt end up with language junk but when i had them upload his he got it. Then again he does have a lot more crap in his house than i do (:

In other news i have an observation shift at the group home tomorrow. I guess this means i have the job. She pretty much offered it to me at the interview but i havent heard the offical “You Are Hired”. I am still totally torn on this, i want the job.. i just dont want two jobs. I am dying to go to work and come home at the end of the day feeling i have done some good in the world that day. I DO NOT get that right now. I dread going into work. It’s not the worst job in the world but it’s just not me. I adore the people i work with but not the people i deal with on a daily bases. At least working two part jobs would give me some variety.

Plus i am looking at moving back to my moms sometime in December and if jay comes for Christmas I would return to Oregon with him. Then i think what will i do without seeing nana so often. I am so very glad that i have her so close. I have made some good and bad choices over the years but i dont regret any of them because they have brought me closer with my sisters and mother. Living so far away from them saddens me but knowing that i have this time with them makes it easier to deal with.