Two and half days off didnt seem like much time and it surly went by quick. I cant say i did a whole lot over the last couple days which is good because my brain needed a rest. I’m hanging in there but things dont seem to be sticking in my head like i would like them to. Talking to people on the phone isnt the problem it’s remembering everything and using it to help the person in a timely fashion that’s got me self-doubting.

I managed to watch the second Indiana Jones movie and Into The Wild ( which if you havent seen i suggest you do - the soundtrack is just as wonderful). I dont know that i have had the Teevee on much over the course of the last week which makes me wonder if i even need cable. I like watching GH but with my current schedule that’s not even happening. The only reason i am keeping it is for Big Brother… which Jay reminded me of the other day.

i attempted to make chocolate peanut butter fudge and for the most part it turned out okay. I can make just about anything but fudge is not my friend. At some point i need to figure out some better eating habits. Currently i am still eating sweets, sammiches and soup. It’s so much work to prepare anything else for just me. I almost wish i enjoyed microwave meals. Now if my waist line would just shrink i might become alright with what i am eating. (:

Over the last week I’ve just got so much crap on my mind that i am confused with everything. I’m an over-thinker and not so much of over-reactor. Which is probably not a good thing but i like to have things planned out in my head before i follow through. Right now there is no follow through and my brain is clogged down with crap.

There are three photos sitting on my desk and Tuesday while i was sitting here i caught myself staring at one as i lost track of time staring at it and over-thinking. It had to be about ten minutes of ‘day dreaming’ before i brought myself back into reality. If i didnt leave the house everyday i’m pretty sure i could become a recluse lost in my own thoughts..

Amanda was over for a visit last night. I am almost jealous at how much more of a grasp she has on her life than I do. It’s also comforting to know that she has similar doubts and fears. When i look back at my life i am completely amazed that this girl who was once impossible has become one of my closest confidants.

I should finish getting ready for work and stop rambling. Here’s hoping today is a good day!

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Do not stay up until 4am.
Do not talk about lesbian encounters.
Do not talk about people you work with.
Do not fall asleep with the phone under your head.
Always brush your teeth before going to sleep.

I had some serious lesbian sex dreams about the people i work with…. until i got a wrong number at 6:39am scaring the piss out of me. When i finally did get up because i hadnt brushed my teeth and stayed up waaaay past my bedtime i felt like i had a hang over and had been munching on some nasty shit. ( and i am not talking about my co-workers)

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They were quite on the mark when they said you will forget everything once you get out there.
I wont say it was awful but it wasnt great.
Silverfox is a whore.
Who knew so many people didnt pay their bills.
Drinking ALL time has crossed my mind.
lets hope practice makes permanent..
TWOMOREDAYS TWOMOREDAYS TWOMOREDAYS…….

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I am officially done my in-class training. Right now I am a little freaked out. I go on the phone tomorrow and frankly the thought of quitting has crossed my mind at least a dozen times. I’m not a quitter or a chicken but I really don’t feel ready. They say give at least the two weeks before you say “fuck it!” and I will at least do that. Hell I intend to stick this out as long as I can. That’s not say that if something different comes along I wont take it… there is a very good chance that I could absolutely love this job but right now I am wishing I could win the super 7 tonight.

The rain is kicking my sinus’ ass. There is this pressure surrounding my sinuses and I feel tired. I figure at some point in the near future I should see if I do in fact have sinus allergies or something. Every time it rains I hurt… and miss Beverly don’t much like that.

In other news I am feeling kinda glum which I haven’t felt in awhile. I have tons of thoughts running through my head and I am scared of failing and I am scared of being alone for once.. I’d like to say it’s girl time causing all this crap but frankly the last couple days have just been kinda blah. People are going out tonight but I just don’t feel like being with people which is weird because I just said I was scared of being alone. I don’t know.. I’m trying to keep myself away amused because bed, booze and blue rodeo are calling my name… and as much as I love all those things in combination they will create a state of mass sadness.

Happy weekend…

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