mending bridges
I spent about an hour and a half talking to my father on the phone today. This may not seem odd to many people but I think it’s the longest one on one conversation I have ever had with the man.
For a long time I held a lot of resentment towards him for his lack of communication with the three of us. I tried not to think about it too much because it usually upset me more than I let on it did. I’m ashamed to think that there have been points in the last few years that I haven’t spoken to him for over a year. Somewhere in the last year I have changed my thinking on the whole subject. I have not missed a special occasion - I have either sent him a card or called. I don’t get the same in return but that’s not an issue with me anymore. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that he didnt try to contact me in some way on my birthday or Christmas but I deal… I know deep in my heart that I am doing right by keeping the lines of communication open on my end. I am a firm believer that relationships are a two way street and if it were any other person on this planet I might not be so forgiving.
There was a point in the conversation where he mentioned that my card was the only one he got for Christmas (from his side of the family). He then went on to say he didn’t send anything out or call anyone but that was just how he is. I agreed, trying to make it clear that I knew that’s how he worked but not to make it sound like a jab.
I’m not sure what my point is here but I think I have finally reached a place where I am okay with the relationship I have with my father. I sometimes wish there was a good reason for the lack of time spent together and communication. However, speaking with him today was nice - very relaxed and I plan on doing it again soon.