I have always disliked the month of March.

I’m not too fond of October either but March seems like such a dreary month, it drags on forever and it hosts some events in / and surrounding my life that I don’t care for.

I haven’t felt really sad and lonely in awhile now. But yesterday and today don’t seem to be going to well. Sometimes being a girl just really sucks. I shut everything off last night and went to bed feeling quite blue and I figured I’d have a good cry since I havent done that in awhile but no tears fell. I just laid there and tried to figure out what’s bothering me so much but I couldnt.. I wish I could blame it on some chemical imbalance like PMS but I cant. I’m just not having a good week period. Between my computer and a couple small incidents that have left me feeling guilty I am begging for this month to be over.

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As you might have guessed from below I was having computer issues. I had to buy a new motherboard and so now I have committed a holy sin. I now run an Intel processor and boy I don’t know if it’s the lack of my video card but even though this one is supposed to be faster things feel sluggish. Not that just anyone would notice but I notice cuz I am smart like that *smirk*. It’s not a huge difference but programs lag when they open. Hopefully I get to the point where I don’t notice anymore. (: Through all this I have learned how to pretty much install everything hardware related and I don’t think it’s proper that a princess like me was put through this. I could have paid cute geeky boy who smelled wonderfully to do it but I guess why do that when I know I could do it myself. Plus it also knocks out the fear I had of the inside of my computer.

Other than that nothing is new. I managed to occupy myself with things while I had no computer. This is to say I got things done Wednesday and Thursday that I would have spread out over Wednesday / Thursday / Friday. Now I am left with nothing to do today, though I am sure I could find something.

My mother heads off to Fredericton tomorrow morning and probably out to the country tonight. I’m looking forward to walking around in my underoos all day without the threat of her stopping in.

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In case you are stopping by to see the wonderful and talented Beverly, she is having computer issues. She first thought the issues were with her RAM and then with her video cards. After multiple efforts re-seating DIMMs (and video card, and network card), she now has an issue where she’s only able to be on-line for 7 minutes before being tossed by the computer Gods.

The following is a transcript of our chat just now before she disappeared into the abyss.

noticing her name pop up on ICQ, I started the countdown…:
Biff… (10:09 AM) :
I’m going to guess 7 minutes.
Bev (10:09 AM) :
JAY
Biff… (10:09 AM) :
BEV!
Bev (10:09 AM) :
LOL
make it good
Biff… (10:10 AM) :
Have you tried any other fixes?
Bev (10:10 AM) :
nope
Biff… (10:10 AM) :
Right on…
Biff… (10:10 AM) :
6
Bev (10:11 AM) :
I just went to bed and left it be.
Biff… (10:11 AM) :
5
Biff… (10:12 AM) :
And you were hoping the computer fairies would come while you are slumbering and make it a better world?
Biff… (10:12 AM) :
4
Bev (10:12 AM) :
no, i wasnt
Biff… (10:12 AM) :
Did you figure out a way to get your computer to Amherst?
Bev (10:13 AM) :
nope i havent.
Biff… (10:13 AM) :
3
Biff… (10:13 AM) :
How long are you going to jack with it today?
Bev (10:14 AM) :
right now? i am thinking none
Biff… (10:14 AM) :
2
Biff… (10:14 AM) :
So this could be our final moments together today?
Biff… (10:15 AM) :
1
Biff… (10:15 AM) :
It was nice seeing you today… *snickers*
Biff… (10:15 AM) :
You love me.
Biff… (10:16 AM) :
0…
Biff… (10:16 AM) :
I think you are gone, because you’re sure not talking. *chuckles*
Biff… (10:16 AM) :
That was one helluva a guess on my part. LMAO
Biff… (10:17 AM) :
+1
Biff… (10:17 AM) :
Although you still appear on-line.
Message was sent. User is Offline.
The message will be delivered when user goes Online.
Biff… (10:17 AM) :
NOPE.. LMAO… There you went… *cackles*

The moral of the story…

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This weekend was full of excitement and lots of long boring hours doing nothing. I guess the most important thing to document so to speak is Friday night. We had planned a birthday party for my Aunt Bev (my name sake) and my mothers oldest friend, (my buddy) Shirley. We were to have lots of good eats, flowing homemade wine and some card games. All the activities started around 7pm, before that I got a chance to catch up with some people I hadn’t seen since Christmas which was quite wonderful. Everyone was on time and eating and drinking away by 7:30. Once the food was all gone and the kitchen was partially cleaned up they opened up their gifts. Then the several long games of pass the ace started.

I always feel so out of place even though they try very hard to include me in things. I’m pretty much the only one their alone. I’m 10-16 younger than the people seated around me and not in their eyes but in my eyes I am Lorna’s daughter. It’s great that even though I am the child I have somehow become the friend. I am the wonderful girl who has helped her mother through so much, who takes care of her and is always helpful and sweet. They all make an incredible effort to make me feel like I belong but i don’t feel that way. It’s not so bad when there is someone at least in their 20’s with me…

The evening was going quite well despite the fact that I had only slept around 4 hours the night before. As the evening started to come to a close and people were gathering to say their goodbyes I noticed my mother at the other end of the table sitting quietly. I wasn’t sure if something had gone on or she was just not feeling well. The next thing I know Rupert was on one knee asking her to marry him. He talked very softly and she had to ask him to say it louder. In the end she said yes – she still seemed very subdued but you could see how happy she was. She ended up being sick that night, I am sure it was a combination of the homemade wine and her nerves.

I’m extremely happy for her. She deserves nothing but greatest and he can offer it to her. Over the last year I have come to see how much his love and support have given her. She is a completely different person – she laughs with her whole body now, she smiles and shines like I have never seen her before, pretty much every aspect of her life is amazing. He truly loves her; you can see it when he touches her shoulder or speaks to her. I wish when they dated 18 years ago she had picked him and she didn’t have to live through the things she has in the past. Having said that would things be as good today if she hadn’t known the complete opposite? There isn’t a date set quite yet, she still needs for her divorce to come through in the next little while. They intend to move in together come the end of the summer. I’m not sure where that leaves me – but I’ll deal with that when the time comes.

As happy as I am for her and as happy as I know she will be I am not sure I could think about getting married for a third time. Granted he is an amazing person, and if I were her I would have to rethink my own thinking. I just cant get past my own need not to be divorced once let alone twice.

I spent the rest of the weekend being mellow and slowly recouping, I do feel quite a bit better today. Not a hundred percent but I am well on my way past ninety percent. After the events of Friday night I came home and had a long bath and called Mr. Sicksleepypants and we chatted for our usual endless amount of hours. It’s in those long talks that I get lost in how much I adore him. It’s in the laughter and seriousness that I truly remember how much I love him.

So, despite the fact that this weekend seemed to last forever it was a good weekend all around. (:

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