What a miserable week it’s been weather wise, not to mention the mood in this house hasn’t been that wonderful either. I’ll trade in all this wind and rain for some snow please.

Yesterday I spent all but three hours in bed, I just felt like i needed to rest. So when I did get up and show my face I sat and chatted with my mother and she made me cry, not on purpose of course. She asked if I wanted another cat, which I immediately said not to. She then said she wanted a new one and was offered a kitten at work. She said there are so many things she misses and the house feels empty. I agree totally with her on that but by bringing a new little kitten into this house I feel like I am ruining the memory of Fraser. Every time I hear a noise I jump wondering what he’s knocked over now… I feel like I need time to grieve and get to the point where I know he’s really gone.. In the past I would never have turned down a new kitten, in fact I spent most of my life wanting more. I know nothing compares to the first months with a kitten; they are so cute and fun. Maybe I am being a bit over the top but it just doesn’t seem right to me. So I am hoping that she doesn’t bring one home.

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First off I would to thank you all for your kind words, even those who choose to come to me directly and not post a comment. It makes me feel better knowing that I am not being silly for feeling the hurt I do. I feel better today but I think the biggest hurdle is coming to grips with him not being here. I find myself going about my daily routine and expecting him to be there. Whether it’s going downstairs looking for something to eat and him hearing something rattle and coming running thinking it’s time to share. Rolling over and not having him next to me. This house has lots of creeks and groans and it feels so quiet here during the day so when I hear something I turn my head thinking it’s him. I think that’s my biggest problem now, I had him by my side for so long that it’s going to be hard to come to terms with him not being here.

In other news I don’t know if I am ready for Christmas to come. Tonight I have to go to Amherst and help pick out 500$ worth of Christmas goodies for 58 children, then bag them. I should think about starting my Christmas shopping – so my plan for tonight besides the above is to look around and see what my options are.

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This is going to be long and probably scattered. So if you choose not to read it I wont hate you much..

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I had figured I’d post today and make it three days in a row. I would however give up the three days in a row to avoid the reality of what I am about to say..

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