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I’ve had a couple rough days at work this week; this accompanied by lack of sleep has turned me into bear. I snapped at dumb twat 2 the other day, I swear they don’t make people as stupid as her. Now I know I am not the smartest cookies in the package but come on ‘ when someone tells you something 8 times you really should have gotten the point by now. It does make me feel better knowing she is leaving at the end of next month and doesn’t even know it yet. This however means I will probably be working more shifts but I need me some money for things I’d like to buy so I’ll try not to complain.
There isn’t really anything else to say or that I care to say. I had typed up an account of my two miserable days and then crashed so I cant been bothered to re-type it.
It’s been an odd week; let’s hope next week is a better one.
I managed to clean out my desk drawer, sort out bills and put them in their folders and make my Christmas list. I have yet to put my clothes away.
I don’t seem to have a great deal of energy lately, so I am going to look into getting some multi-vitamins because I don’t eat very healthy. Hopefully that will help.
I just learned moments ago from the ‘ex’ that a cat we once had together has to be put down today, due to liver damage. I’m very sad to hear this as she was on 7 and ½ years old. It frightens me that my Fraser is older than her and it could easily have been him. I fear the day that ever happens. Over the last 8 years he has been the one solid thing in my life, my angel. It’s funny saying that about a cat but he is my baby, the one really good thing that came out of my ten year relationship. He was my 19th birthday present from Robert. Sammy was given to me by Crystal in June of 1996, I remember that day, her being so small, lying on my chest sleeping when Robert came home. I would have never thought at that time she wouldn’t be with me in the end.
Here’s to Samantha, she’ll be very missed. I miss her attitude and willingness to be a complete bitch to me and show him the sweet soft side that I rarely got the chance to be the receiver of. I’ll never forget the day she went to give birth, she kept crawling under the blankets and trying to settle between my legs. I kept pushing her out and after 4 or 5 times it hit me that maybe she was about to give birth.
Here’s a few of my favorite photos of her
Yesterday started out good and ended good but in between there was a bump in the road. I’m not angry about it but it just takes all the niceness out of me. I had decided that when it was going on I was going out for the day, I needed to get away.
So off to Canadian Tire to get a car checked out and dream about buying all the expensive Christmas decorations. I was eyeing a fake Christmas trees and looking for a HUGE stocking but left empty handed. I am not sure what I did with all of the decorations we had accumulated over the years. Hmm.
Five years I got a call I had never thought I would receive, it was from my best friend Crystal she was the mental ward of my local hospital. She had attempted suicide and was under psychiatric care. Four years earlier another friend had shot himself, and it had hit me hard ‘ in fact to this day it still bothers me and it’ll be 10 years since he’s been gone in March. I agreed to go see her thinking it was going to be a vision out of one those horror movies I had seen as a young girl. As I entered the ward I don’t think I had ever feared anything so much. Thankfully she was alright and the people around her weren’t too ‘crazy’ for my liking.
After that things slowly started to slip, she got herself into some crazy things and committed some crimes and it was hard to be near her through this self destructive phase of her life. So I lost touch with her over the next few years, I had called her back in June and talked for awhile but it never went anywhere. Looking back her and I shared a lot of the same personality traits, morals and silly behaviors, I miss that. So I think I’ll make a point of calling her tonight.
Now back to the reason for all this reminiscing. Yesterday I agreed to visit a friend’s brother who was at the Hospital, he has schizophrenia and signed himself into the psychiatric ward. He gets a needle in his ass every 30 days and had gotten it too late and ended up a little neurotic. I had never met him or even caught a glimpse of him; all I knew of him was what she had told me over the years. I was calm entering the ward, there was no fear in me this time. He warmed up quickly to me which I expected, I spent a few years working with the mentally ill, physically disabled and mentally challenged so I was fairly comfortable. I used to live for that type of work but sitting there next to him my heart sank thinking of the last two years of my life and feeling helpless for him. He seemed content to be there as the housing/lifestyle for the mentally ill through community services in this town and many others are just terrible. He asked me several personal questions and when we went to leave he said “Now I want a hug, from both of you” My friend said “Not from Beverly, she just met you” but I said it was okay and accepted the hug. It was sad being in his arms as the hug seemed to last forever.
Then off to her house for supper, I usually refuse but the last thing I wanted to do was return home to deal with what forced me out in the first place. I spent the next four or five hours with her and her children, I had forgotten what it was like to be in such a noisy house. All the energy they possessed was making me tired - just watching them roll around on the floor. We ended up going out for a movie and treats. Then I was reminded why I don’t watch movies with children (:. I came home shortly after 10pm and decided to call Miss Becka, I spent the next six hours on the phone with her giggling about everything and anything. Shortly before 4am I got off the phone and finished the last 20 pages of my book then quickly drifted off to sleep. After the days events I was plagued with creepy dreams about crazy people, fighting, chocolate, children and Pandora’s box.