There probably won’t be a lot from me for next little while. I think it’s time to take a break from this, not to say I won’t be around. I just have so many things going on and I don’t want to feel like am constantly being depressing.

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am i the only who isnt having trouble with blogger now?

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Pet Peeves by room

Bathroom:

- Always put the seat down.

- Always put a new roll of toilet paper back on.

- Clean out your toothpaste from the sink.

- Close the lids of things including toothpaste and shampoo.

Kitchen:

- Always unplug the toaster.

- Never leave the pot holders on the stove.

- Recycling MUST be washed out before being put away.

Living room:

- Why leave the TV on when you’re not watching it.

-

Bedroom:

- never leave your socks/undies on the floor beside the bed

- beds need sheets

- share the bed

Miscellaneous:

- Always empty ashtrays.

- The lint trap is meant to be emptied after ALL loads.

- I am not the only who can empty the trash or composter.

- don’t mistake my humor for not having a heart.

- Lights should be shut off when you’re not in the room.

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You know I’ve never been a jealous person, until recently. With my jealousy comes all those things I try and keep under control. Insecurities, trust, helplessness, anger, security, letting people in and most important in my book being loved and feeling loved.

For over a year and a half now I have struggled to keep all those things in check. Before that I went through my life with blinders on and one day they were kindly ripped off my face. So up until two months ago I fought to get them all back in line and I sort of thought I had them there. Then along comes this jealousy thing and makes me drop them all again. So now I am struggling to maintain my sanity in such an emotionally difficult time.

There has been times over the last two weeks that I’ve had horrible thoughts, thought of resorting back to that girl I once was over ten years ago, the one with the self destructive nature. Then I shake my head and come back down off my cloud. Now I am not looking for sympathy or advise I am just looking to try and be honest with myself and by getting some of this out I am doing that. Also in the last little while I’ve come to realize that to over-come some of these things I am going to have to face them head on.

I guess this one confronts a few of them, by expressing these deep ‘dark’ thoughts that I don’t dare share with anyone. I find it really hard to express my true feelings. I also have major issues with trust, for some reason people normally trust me right off but it takes a long time for me to really let someone in. In all my life there has been maybe 5 people that know me for who I really am.

But just when you think you’re ready to confront the problem another hops in your path. That and no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to get the results I need.

So I don’t know what I am really trying to say I lost my train of thought. That’s been one of my problems lately, there is so much going on I can’t seem to get everything in order. With any luck it all makes sense, but I guess it makes sense to me and I am really the only person that matters when it comes down to it.

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